Inspiration = Born this way

Born this way, the A&E television series, has started a new season and no matter how despondent I may be feeling each of these diverse young adult men and women, who have down syndrome, never ceases to inspire me. To move me. To impress me and it is not just the young adults with down syndrome who inspires me but their family members/loved ones/friends/support systems.

I applaud A&E and everyone involved in this wonderful gift highlighting the best of humanity.

Take care and may God bless you.

 

Jeff Schrembs

WTF x 2 Ex brother in law withdraw?

Here is the scene as I type. I have pneumonia right lung is worse so I’m kinda feeling down and a little weak. This has never happened again and no disrespect to him but I never envisioned I couldn’t get him out of my head but out of my “Sargent pepper and the lonely hearts club band” dream (google it and you will get the idea) my ex brother in law made a guest appearance. Weird huh? Wellllllllllllllllllll it didn’t end there.

There wasn’t a time, from the beginning to the end, when my brother in law did anything but be a great brother to my ex.. Great uncle to my children. And he was always respectful to me and I’m sorry to him for the last year as I am to others.

I always respected bright quick intelligent minds. When I learned of his attending college and then opting to learn the Japanese language, then go live in japan, and then become a highly respected teacher who taught Americans the Japanese language which he was fluent in. I admired him. I should have told him that.

We all age and life becomes more reactionary as opposed to proactive. Not only that but when you start looking forward to the medical alert, free back brace, free neck brace, joint repair in a bottle, etc. one half an hour infomercials that begin in mass around midnight it hits you that… you are not the person you once were as you now qualify for discounts at movie theaters as opposed to being asked for an ID. AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Now, there have been time that I have thought of my ex brother in law and kept him in my prayers but seeing him in my dream in vivid color-rama, yeah I dream in colors and don’t you hate it when you have a great dream and you temporarily wake up and you want to go back to it but life smacks you with NO DICE. No going back to that dream, made it real. It brought back his expressions and voice. I started this blog as a positive outlet. I made a commitment that I would share what’s in my head, thoughts, or heart as it comes. That I would not sugar coat things about me and my prior and current life. Also, as anyone can attest who reads any of my blog posts I type exactly what I am thinking without a desire for grammatical correctness. So this semi-explains why I opted to write this specific blog. To those who don’t instantly get my sense of human I wan to say “HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU MISS THE GENIUS IN MY HILARIOUS WORDS/SENTENCES?”. Really?

Well I’m off to finish watching the end of the tv show “bringing up bates” as Tori  is getting married. I enjoy this show and the parents have done a great job raising their children. I am knowledgeable about this as I had the honor to have the best mother and father in law who are exceptional people individually and collectively, have been the GREATEST grandparents to my children, and in many ways I remain in awe of. I am very sorry to them for any/all pains/hurt and always will.

To my brother in law in my dreams I extend a hand and invitation to return to my dreams in the future but I will always remember that in this specific dream that we were in Hawaii – we rescued a few infinity stones (google it and yeah its funny) – we were internationally acknowledged – we were awarded an annual stipend of 100 billion dollars – we were gifted by the Pope with our own customized spaceships a technology they had for centuries but never shared before building ours – received the serum aka from the fountain of youth in giant 2 liter bottles – we worked together to stop the army of clowns riding on the backs of grizzly bears blowing streamers rushing towards us with bad intentions – and we went to a few bars and got wasted (I don’t drink but boy oh boy I did in this dream). Who wouldn’t want to continue this dream? So I am having ex brother in law withdraw syndrome and being 100% honest I wish him; the greatest happiness, the love of a good woman, success in his professional career, laughter, good health, and a long and happy life. He’s a good man.

Take care and may God bless you and yours with each breath.

 

 

I’m moving on…

Back in the day I caught the tail end of a song by Rascal Flatts titled “I’m moving on”. Within a few days I had found the CD and listened to the whole song much of which paralleled my own life. To this day I keep this song on several of my playlists.

I have my own religious/spiritual beliefs, fundamental to me and have course corrected my life, I don’t try to counter others with different beliefs but God/Jesus is a part of each day of my life. My faith has sustained me throughout all of the hardships, challenges, loves, successes, etc. Even as my heart is forever shattered, and I miss my daughter/sons to my core I take some solace that I exposed my children to the bible. To God. To Jesus. To my own beliefs. To my understanding of the distinctions between the various religions. To the historical truths about Jesus on this earth. To God’s creation of Eden and the one restriction to Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree of good and evil. To the beauty, holiness, love, etc. that God/Jesus have for each of us. And to the sadness, and questions, as to why there is death. Dismemberment. Loss. Diseases. Hate, etc.

Through my life I have visited every state from Texas to Maine to Florida creating a type of triangle in the United States plus I have spent time in California on business. Out of all of these places I have only lived in five states/commonwealths four of which adjoin each other. I enjoyed much of these locations but my time in Kentucky, and Georgia, formed much of who I am (and I am very different from just about anyone else I have ever met and I’ve met thousands upon thousands) to such an extent that I have narrowed my relocation options to Kentucky, Georgia, and three other states. It’s not a question of “if” but “when”.  I have spent a great deal of time considering each of these and I will continue to do so.

There will be those who won’t understand and I accept that. But at this stage of my life, in the conditions I have endured these past 7 years as well as my beloved children have, I know in every cell that the amount of days before me are far less than those I have already lived.

What does a single 55 (aaaaaaaaghggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghghhghghg) yeard old male take into consideration about relocating? Well in so special order they are; being able to see family, housing, land, quality of life, opportunities, ability to follow a few passions, peace, stability, not being constantly reminded (visually, emotionally, mentally, etc.) of a life that was, and access to very good medical care.

Back in 2010 I made a commitment to myself, along with so many others, that I would do everything within my power to obtain medical care and mental care. I am proud of myself for continuing on going to therapy weekly these five or six years for depression arising from my health issues, marriage ending, the drama/unfairness/biases/non adherence to state and federal law, etc. that exists pertaining to custody aspects and the inability to access quality representation at reasonable costs, and the circle of surgeries then recovery then rehabilitation then seeing more Physicians finding out more detrimental diagnoses etc. etc.

Seven years ago I said to myself that if I lived long enough I would set aside seven years to better myself and only after doing so would I enter the world of dating. Though I have had ample opportunities, and each of the women were of quality/beauty, I have adhered to my decision not to date. However, as of last month the seven years is over. I will now allow myself the time to try to find someone who I can share my life with. I’ve prayed about this and I believe I will be successful and I will do everything possible to obtain happiness for me and those I date and most of all for those I love. Its been long enough.

As I continue to do research, get moving quotes, confirm doctors/specialities/surgeons, go through housing options, etc. I will do so knowing I did everything I could these seven years to make myself available to my children and working hard on improving myself in every aspect. I have exceeded my expectations through hard work and real tangible change.

In the song “I’m moving on” part of the lyrics go like this:

I’ve dealt with my ghosts and I’ve faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I’m at peace with myself
I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I’m movin’ on

I’ve lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they’re always the same
They mean me no harm but it’s time that I face it
They’ll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don’t belong
I’m movin’ on

 

These words are applicable to my own life and now I will begin to put into action the decisions I have made with the relocation deadline being the spring of 2018.

Take care and may God bless you and yours always.

Jeff Schrembs

 

Sadness

There are days that make you appreciate everything. There are days when the heat from the sun just.. There are days when nothing seems to go right. There are days of accomplishment. There are days of D E P R E S S I O N. There are days when you physically feel right. Your hair looks good. And you have a skip in your step. Man those truly are the days. Then there are days of sadness.

Yeah sadness is different from depression. I know. Six dedicated years of therapy for depression I know the difference. Hence, I would never wish depression on anyone and the same is true with sadness. Man, life is so short and these type of emotional hardships can be overwhelming. If it becomes overwhelming, and/or doesn’t subside, then perhaps looking into seeing a therapist, overseen by a Psychiatrist, may be beneficial.

Someone used to say I would never go to therapy and to that  person I say ” keep being a MEMBER of the Metro Underground” (note – I encourage anyone to “google it” and if it doesn’t sicken you, as it does me, then feel free to join yourself but be advised that they have an online membership list that anyone can access/confirm by just entering in a name in the member search).

The Metro Underground? My God I hope you are proud of yourself but should the children ever come across this, and easily verify it, my heart will go out to them as it does 24/7.  Literally sickens me.  But then again it may be your favorite hangout with your “relative”. Sounds like the kinda of place you would go to with him, or is it her?, and partake of the debauchery they promote on their site and perhaps a plethora of illegal drug use.  In New York, but I’m unsure of in Florida/Virginia, cousins can marry. Food for thought.

To offset the throes of sadness please cherish the opportunity to see your children grow up. Cherish the beauty in the eyes of your loved ones or the utterance of your name by them. Cherish the fact that you have been blessed with a new day with many possibilities. Cherish your health and don’t take it for granted. Cherish the laughter. The memories. Cherish all the blessing in life for someone once said “you have to do everything you can each day to find happiness in your life. Happiness in your relationships. Happiness with your family. Happiness with your loved ones. Do all this because you only go around once and there is not coming back. You don’t get an encore jack (just a figure of speech and not to any person(s) named Jack)”.

 

Memories February 2017 edition

During the throws of my life many things I held dear I never recovered. Among them are photographs, documents, etc. concerning my high school days including the “lets look back and laugh at the haircuts, clothes, etc. say ones adult children” yearbooks. But, fortunately I came across some exceptionally important photographs of a time during my life when all was possible and youth was…extraordinary.

Since the time I received these I have relived many otherwise forgotten memories. Man, it’s amazing how photographs can take one back to earlier times. How they bring up the sights, the sounds, the time, the relationships, and much more.

I have thoroughly enjoyed, and appreciated, each of these newly acquired treasures and I have taken steps to secure them as they encompass so much of who I am, who I was earlier in my life, and emotions that still stir. All good things for sure.

Memories. Man, it’s amazing that the memories of yesteryear can make memories of today.

Take care and may God bless you.

 

Jeff Schrembs

PUBLISHED WITH THE EXPRESSED WRITTEN PERMISSION OF MR. SCHREMBS 2017-2-27

I can’t un-love you (video)

This song, which prior to January 2017 I had never heard of , struck me as Jennifer Nettles could sing the words of a hemorrhoid (too soon?) commercial and make it a million seller. Her vast, emotionally dripping, and haunted vocals are on full display.

Enjoy:

 

I ran into a man today…

I ran into a man today

Significant, I barely spoke

For my eyes betrayed me

The words stuck in my throat

 

Though the man was much older

Than I  thought he ever would

There were glimmers of his youth

Intimate, subtle, but I understood

 

He told me of moments,

Of times about my youth

Though he ranted on at times

His words were weaved of truth

 

He asked me how I’m doing

And my family and career

I told him I lost my heart years ago

It was hard for him to hear

 

I had to go I told him

Because sadness shadowed my heart

I hoped I’d see him again

But I didn’t know where to start

 

As I pulled away from the mirror

And turned the light switch off

I shut my eyes which sprang a tear

And pulled away to cough

 

 

 

 

 

Abraham Lincoln’s 1863 Thanksgiving Proclamation

Thanksgiving did not become a national holiday in the United States until the fall of 1863, when President Abraham Lincoln issued a proclamation declaring that the last Thursday in November would be a day of national thanksgiving.

While Lincoln issued the proclamation, credit for making Thanksgiving a national holiday should go to Sarah J. Hale, the editor of Godey’s Lady’s Book, a popular magazine for women in 19th century America.

Hale, who campaigned for years to make Thanksgiving a nationally observed holiday, wrote to Lincoln on September 28, 1863 and urged him to issue a proclamation. Hale mentioned in her letter that having such a national day of Thanksgiving would establish a “great Union Festival of America.”

With the United States in the depths of the Civil War, perhaps Lincoln was attracted to the idea of a holiday unifying the nation. At that time Lincoln was also contemplating delivering an address on the purpose of the war which would become the Gettysburg Address.

Lincoln wrote a proclamation, which was issued on October 3, 1863. The New York Times published a copy of the proclamation two days later.

The idea seemed to catch on, and the northern states celebrated Thanksgiving on the date noted in Lincoln’s proclamation, the last Thursday in November, which fell on November 26, 1863.

The text of Lincoln’s 1863 Thanksgiving proclamation follows:

October 3, 1863

By the President of the United States
A Proclamation

The year that is drawing toward its close has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever-watchful providence of Almighty God.

In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign states to invite and provoke their aggressions, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere, except in the theater of military conflict; while that theater has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union.

Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defense have not arrested the plow, the shuttle, or the ship; the ax has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege, and the battlefield, and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom.

No human counsel hath devised, nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.

It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American people. I do, therefore, invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a Day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens. And I recommend to them that, while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty hand to heal the wounds of the nation, and to restore it, as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes, to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility, and union.

In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the seal of the United Stated States to be affixed.

Done at the city of Washington, this third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the Independence of the United States the eighty-eighth.

Abraham Lincoln

A 21 year spiral (by Jeff Schrembs 2014 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED)

All my life I hoped for you. I prayed for you. I had faith in you. I longed for you.

And one night…I met you.

In all the chaos of my life it took me  a while to truly accept.

That you were real.

Funny, smart, loving, caring, full of life, beautiful, and witty.

A soul older than your years.

On that day when you wore the knee length white dress.

You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

All was in sync; life, work, home, health, and happiness till the day which I was forced to make a decision.

It started a spiral.

Through the years we had ups and, many times there were (due to me), failures.

With each failure the spiral grew.

There were joyous times when we welcomed into this world our first, our second…and her.

All healthy. All beautiful. All loved. You carried them and with her…complications.

We had prayed openly and privately for…her.

As a decade passed, due to Rome, God granted our wish.

Within an hour she was confirmed as was confirmation of necessary emergency surgery.

I held your hand and looked into those beautiful eyes and for the first time ever… saw your tears of shock.

We sent our two on the vacation we had planned for a year.

As we wrestled with uncertainty everyday but come November our miracle was born.

Then one night, after I had rocked her and fed her, we came into our room.

And through the black pitch of night all I loved was covered with blood.

As we rushed to the emergency room I prayed and knew it was life and death.

After every hour of delay your color left you along with your strength.

The love of my existence was waning between this world…and the next.

I never felt as powerless. I never asked God for so much. I did all I could.

Then one day you came home.

What they did to you required years of surgery, pain, frustration, and more.

And the spiral grew.

As I had a few years before, with LCPS, I now fought (for 2 years) for your benefits.

I took on this task simply because…it was the right thing to do.

On the fourth month of that last year we were happy and you said it was a “second honeymoon”,

I hadn’t shared with you that something was wrong as I didn’t want to add to your burden.

I went to a specialist with no one knowing. No referrals. Just me and my fears.

As I received the news I cried in public. Something I never did.

The spiral grew.

Pent up frustration and distrust came into our home.

One phone call I placed, which I never should have, changed everything.

The spiral grew,

I thought it could not get worse but then came the tumor and the cancer.

On that ninth month you held my hand and said we would get through this.

I thought about telling you of the other medical news but your beauty gave me pause.

Within ten days of you holding my hand you made two calls that changed all of our lives.

The spiral grew.

Over the following years I battled; cancer, my part in the deterioration, 48 years of regrets, and more.

Through it all I prayed for a day in which we could, together, start the healing process.

That day never came.

The spiral grew.

Solely due to my faith in God I was able to get through the; moment, the hours, the days, and the years.

Over two years ago I took the step that you had asked me to for a year before your two calls.

I have kept that commitment, over these two years, and attend weekly.

The spiral slowed.

Each day I strive to do, and be, better in every way.

I never stopped loving the woman I knew but not the one that made two calls.

Each day I regret, into each cell and into my soul, many choices I made,

Most of all I regret the call I made.

From within, and afar, this spiral covers three states but most of all the lives of our three children.

Only those who made the first call, and the two calls, can stop the spiral.

Either this spiral will stop once and for all or it will continue to cause damages.

Damages that has, and will, continue to hurt all we love.

I will do everything, and anything, to heal those we love all the days of my life.

I pray that the woman I loved, with all my heart will one day share my commitment.

To take the first, of many steps, to truly; love, help, support, etc. our children.

Jeff Schrembs

2014 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Great photograph of the beauty of nature in action

 

Reminds me of a biblical quote of “if God provides a bird with a place to lay it’s head and plentiful food how much would he do for man who is of his own creation”?